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Grief the Wanker
by SundaySmash

Riot Games’ League of Legends is the game that finally broke my World of Warcraft addiction. Of course, this is a little like treating a heroin addiction with meth, so I’m not entirely sure how helpful this is to my life. I’m still sitting in front of my computer not absorbing important vitamins from sunlight, advancing my career, or doing anything that is ultimately worthwhile, but after only a month or so of playing I am level 18. That’s an impressive accomplishment, right?

League of Legends is a free role playing strategy game where two teams of players attempt to fight their way into the opposing base and destroy the other team’s nexus by controlling one of over 50 champions, each with unique abilities. Players fight computer controlled drones known as minions and opposing players along paths defended by towers to increase their level and become more powerful while gaining gold they can use to buy equipment and boost their character’s combat prowess further. Every round is unique and the ability to adapt and revise strategies on the fly is vital to success.

The game allows you to create a team of friends or use an automated matchmaking service to find your team.

The matchmaking service is technically effective but occasionally leaves a few things to be desired. This has nothing to do with Riot and everything to do with the quality of people to be found playing the game. When League of Legends gives you teammate lemons, what can you do? I made my very own misanthropic lemonade, a completely separate game called Grief the Wanker.

Grief the Wanker is a viable alternative game within the game itself, because played correctly there is no way you can lose. You refuse your whiny teammate the ability to surrender, so either he rage quits (and you report him) or he throws a temper tantrum and says unkind things (and you report him anyway). It’s impossible to lose, which is good because you probably aren’t going to win the actual game itself.

-Kevin