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How to put a stop to materialism
by Kevin

When I’m not spending my time lovingly crafting jpegs out of thin air for the amusement of all, I’m probably at my day job, painstakingly crafting advertisements out of thin air and totally selling out. Due to working for an advertising agency, I have a steadily decreasing interest in marketing news, and I will occasionally read marketing articles. This is the article I read which inspired today’s comic.

The concept of retiring Ronald McDonald is utterly ridiculous. Children being the target market for Happy Meals in no way makes childhood obesity the fault of a corporation. It’s simply lousy parenting.

A vast quantity of products are designed to appeal to children, and their young minds have yet to develop the same defenses many adults have to successful marketing. This is why children have parents to raise them and instill values. Should you touch things that are hot? Should you slap someone when they make you mad? Should you run with scissors? Should you eat a steady diet of burgers, chicken nuggets, and french fries until you resemble Jabba the Hutt? These are all lessons good parents should teach their children. These are all lessons lazy parents believe corporations should teach their children.

Those of you who are good parents could skip the rest of this post, but those of you who are bad parents probably believe you are good parents, so the rest of this blog is now mandatory reading for all of you. In much the same way it is unhealthy for a parent to give a child everything they desire, it’s also unhealthy to give them whatever they desire to eat. If they refuse to eat their lima beans and demand that you give them stroke-inducing fast food for the fourth night this week, let me free you from the bonds of self-inflicted slavery.

Tell them in no uncertain terms “NO,” then when they behave indignantly, you blow their minds and inform them that they are not the center of the universe, you do not take orders from them, and you make them sit in the kitchen with their rapidly cooling dinner while you go watch your stories on the telly. It’s that simple.

Or, you could take my approach, tell them horrible lies, and risk paying for therapy later. More likely than not, however, in 20 years they will come to you and thank you for the profoundly scarred, yet respectable and attractively slim member of society they have grown into. And I don’t have to see your morbidly obese bundle of joy parading around in a thong.

-Kevin