The title theme from Mega Man 2 begins playing. My Nintendo isn’t on, which can only mean that someone is calling me. The caller I.D. informs me the caller is unknown. Upon answering, I am greeted by an automated message informing me that I am being called about my credit card account. There is only one problem.

I don’t have a credit card.

This makes it apparent nearly immediately that this is a scam, so I push the button to talk to a live representative. The person answers, and I say, “This is a cell phone. Put me on your do not call list.” Of course, as soon as I say, “This is a cell-,” the person hangs up on me.

The next time I receive a call, I decide to try something different. I tell the representative that I’m absolutely interested. The feigned interest keeps them on the line a little longer until I ask, “So what company is this for?” and they hang up again.

The next couple of calls I receive, I try variations on the same approach. I hope I can get someone to trip up and give me some real information on who this vile organization is so I can bring them to justice, but the second I ask any questions, they hang up on me. They clearly know that they are doing wrong and that I’m trying to find a way to hang them.

The longterm Smash reader may remember that I once worked in a call center, and this gives me a good deal of sympathy for customer service representatives and telemarketers. These are people who are at a dead end with their careers. While working at one of these centers, you discover the ugly side of every human being you have the misfortune to come in contact with. Scammers, however, are the scum of the earth and do not deserve any mercy from me.

By the next time I receive an automated message urging me to push “1″ to speak to a live representative, I have a plan in mind. It is a plan that being hung up on can not foil. With anticipation, I press 1. The moment the automated message ends and the real person begins their speech, I draw upon my years of listening to bad local hardcore music for inspiration, and unleash a massive, ear-damaging bellow. Victorious, I hang up on them.


by Kevin